Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just gargled with NyQuil
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