There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
porn star boner night. come get it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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