The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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