I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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