how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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