Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
