No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
