did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
