i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
