Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
