Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
