um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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