now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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