You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
