bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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