i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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