Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
