Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
