i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
