I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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