There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
