I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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