Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize