My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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