you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Porn is love you can see.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How drunk are you?
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