Cold hands, warm shart.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
