I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize