So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
