You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
