Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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