Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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