If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
