Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
