i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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