I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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