The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
