I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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