The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize