New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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