I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
