Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
