I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
