and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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