if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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