Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
