Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We need a shit load of segways right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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