1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no, he came in my armpit
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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