Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
