I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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