I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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