He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
