i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
how drunk are you?
Several
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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