I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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