im about as happy as oj after his trial
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
