Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
