OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
