why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
