Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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