I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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