We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize