if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
