Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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