Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
