at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
