like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
