Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
