....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
