I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
