We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
