I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
