apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
