I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Actions speak louder than pants.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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