Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
