I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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