How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
