she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
