Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
