my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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