turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
