omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Drake has all the answers
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
