how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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