i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
