U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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