after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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