My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
