I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
