I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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