I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm like, not good at living.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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