im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
