wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were trust falling into bushes
I am mentally ready for anal.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
