You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i now understand why vodka
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
