By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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