Welp...herpes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
