and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
