I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
