I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i out mim tonsoeep
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
