your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
nutella sex= disaster
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
