cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize