One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
