You just made me feel so damn special
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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