O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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