im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
