im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
