i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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