he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
