i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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