I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
