cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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