i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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