the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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