Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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