ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
