yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
