Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
