dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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